FOR THE POUTINE!
by AkemiTheSunbro
Summary: Timeline thirty-seven is a wash. Just as Homura decides to begin timeline thirty-eight anew, something catches her attention. ...Why are there two humans charging at Walpurgisnacht in a piggy-back position with nothing but a stick?


_**So, yeah, this is a collaboration effort with the user Mad Cider. This is a slight crack-fic that I thought up of at 2:00 AM. Naturally, that is when the **_**BEST _ideas are _ALWAYS _made. I just had to act upon it. Without further ado, the EpicNinjaGamer and Mad Cider presents... A thing we did! Huzzah!_**

* * *

Touching her bloody forehead with her fingers, Homura grimaced. The black-haired Puella Magi's foot had been buried under a pile of rubble caused by crashing into a building thrown by the Witch Walpurgisnacht. With the Witch's cackles reverberating all throughout the freshly destroyed Mitakihara City, her hopes for this timeline all but diminished.

Trying to remove her leg, she gasped as splitting pain shot through her foot, "Yep. Yeah. That's… That's broken…" Twisting her foot the opposite way in one more attempt to free herself merely led to worse agony ripping through her leg. Fighting back tears of pain, she straightened her red-rimmed glasses and gritted her teeth, "YEP. Definitely broken." She lifted a hopeful gaze to the Magical Girl still carrying on the fight with Walpurgisnacht, "At least Madoka's still-"

A resounding explosion from the Monster quickly interrupted her observation, followed closely by the Pink-Clad Puella Magi crash landing like a kamikaze jet into the stone wall right next to Homura.

The latter sighed, "Nevermind…"

Deciding this timeline absolutely doomed, she placed her hand on her hour-glass engraved buckler shield, ready to retry this month for the thirty-eighth time.

But then, someone's shouting caught her attention. Confused, she glanced back into the battlefield of Mitakihara and she noticed what appeared to be two people standing below the Walpurgisnacht, one piggy-backing on the other's back.

Homura tilted her head, "...What?"

* * *

Gamer blinked. He glared up and growled at the girl sitting on top of his head, "CIDER! How many times have I told to remove your rear from my face?!"

The blonde girl blushed slightly, "Oh, sorry... " She shifted her weight and slung her legs around Gamer's shoulders, falling to a piggy-back position, "It's not my fault you JUST NOW explained to me what Chicken Fighting is. I'm still getting the hang of it."

Gamer sighed, pushing his ginger bangs to the right side of his head and adjusting his rectangular glasses, at least thankful that his partner had decided to wear pants instead of a skirt today, "How did you even manage to get in that position anyway?"

Cider chuckled, "Oh, y'know, us Canadians are always sitting on you Americans' heads."

"True." He laughed as well, "That's reminds me, how did we even get in Japan?"

The girl shrugged, "Plot relevence."

He squinted up at her, "...But this is crackfic. There is no plot."

She placed her hands on her hips and nodded, "Exactly."

He sighed and shook his head, "Whatever. Hey, what're we gonna do about that thing?" he pointed at the giant, upside-down, gravity defying Witch floating above them, breathing flaming fires of death.

"Hmm…" Cider rubbed her chin, "That does seem to be an issue." She glanced down at her counterpart, "Whack it with a stick?"

Gamer smiled, "Yeah. Yeah, that could work! I like that plan!"

The girl pointed off to the left, "There! There's a nice looking stick!"

"I see it." Gamer nodded. He jogged over to where she pointed, and picked the long, slender branch while being careful not to accidently throw his partner off his back, and handed it upward, "How's that?"

After swinging it around for bit to test it's balance, Cider nodded, "Should work like a charm!"

The Gamer smiled, "Coo. Now," he shifted his gaze to the Witch, "it looks like those cogs at the top control that thing. I think we should stop those."

Cider cocked her head in disbelief, "Can we though?"

He nodded, "I have faith. The only question is, 'How are we getting up there?'"

Cider glanced left to right repeatedly, before stating as she pointed to the ruined rubble towering next to Walpurgisnacht, "Hey, buildings."

"Gotcha," he agreed before taking off for one.

As the duo entered building closest to Wally and started their climb up to the top, Cider squinted, "...What if this is all a prank?"

"If this is a prank," Gamer replied, "this is the most elaborate prank I've ever seen and I applaud the pranksters for their originality."

"Original or not," the girl glared as she tightened her grip on her stick, "if this is a prank, we need to shut it down ASAP."

"Eh," the ginger shrugged his shoulders, "I'm just here because you promised me Poutine."

She gasped and looked down at Gamer with wide-eyes, "Oh yeah! You Americans don't generally have restaurants that serve Poutine, do you?"

He shook his head, "Not to my knowledge. You said the best kind comes from Canada right?"

Cider nodded, "Yeah. I wouldn't exactly trust the Americans to make it properly." She sighed, "I swear though, proper-made Poutine would solve world peace and win life."

Gamer gasped, "Really? That sounds like some Jesus food right there."

"Jesus blessed Poutine somewhere in the Bible, I'm sure of it," she stated with absolute certainty.

"Well," Gamer replied, bursting through the door the ruined roof, "I guess Canada's our next stop then."

Cider smiled, "Sounds like a plan."

The tower of two then stopped and stared at the turning gears of Walpurgisnacht flying low next to their building, shooting lasers and such every which direction.

"Ready?" Gamer asked.

"Let's do it!" The girl exclaimed, gripping her stick.

Then, Gamer sprinted towards the edge of the of the ruined building and leaped in epic slow-motion fashion as he screamed, "FOR THE POUTINE!" Miraculously, the two landed, broke Chicken Fight formation and rolled on the giant metal cog of the Witch.

Scrambling to their feet, Gamer called out to his partner, "DO IT!"

Cider nodded and dashed to the center. With a great heave, she drove her branch deep into the cog's rivet, wedging it so it failed to turn. As smoke began to rise from the cog, she brushed her hands together, placed them on her hips and smiled at Gamer, "Done!"

The ginger jogged over, laughed and gave her a congratulatory high-five, "Yeah! We did it! Good job!"

Just then, Walpurgisnacht wailed as it began to descend to the city below.

Cider gasped, "I think we're crashing."

Gamer nodded scratching his chin as he gazed at the buildings that were growing taller, "Yeah. Yeah, I think we are."

The girl added, "I think it's going to explode."

The boy agreed, "I think you may be right… Eh. Sucks to suck, I guess."

* * *

Homura jumped and gasped as Walpurgisnacht exploded in a blaze of glory. Her purple eyes twitched, "B-But… How…?"

Kyubey spoke, watching attentively from a nearby rock, "That is the question of the hour, isn't it? I'm rather curious of it myself. Just how could two regular humans see the Witch, Walpurgisnacht?"

The black-haired Puella Magi merely stared at the bunny-cat, "I'm more concerned with how they _killed_ it when we Magical Girls couldn't."

Just then, she felt something warm crawl onto her back. She gasped as she shot her gaze to her shoulder, where she saw crippled and bloody Madoka pull herself into a piggy-back position onto Homura's back. The Pink Puella Magi weakly pointed, "Let's… Come on… We can… We can still do this…"

Homura simply smiled as she patted her friend head, "It's okay, Madoka. It's already over. We can rest now."

"...Oh. Kay… That's... That's good…" she muttered as she collapsed on her friend's shoulder.

Homura sighed contently then started giggling as a slight rain drizzled on her glasses. They did it. After thirty-six failed timelines, thirty-seven was the one. They could finally go home and be friends, just as soon as they got out of this rubble-

"H-Hey, Homura?" Madoka mumbled.

Still smiling and staring into the sky, Homura replied, "Mm-hm?"

"I… I think we goof'd a little…" the pinkette held a Gried Seed in front Homura's wet glasses, "My Soul Gem kinda broke a bit…"

The black-haired girl's smile fell to scowl as her heart fell into stomach. She moaned, slammed her fist against a stone slab, and cried out, "_...DANGIT!"_

She sighed and twisted her buckler shield. She shouted, "Well Thirty-Seven, thanks for absolutely nothing!"

Her shield clicked and whirled through the time stream, initiating timeline number thirty-eight.


End file.
